What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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