how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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