i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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