In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
