Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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