so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
love makes seman taste better
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
