I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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