i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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