dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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