New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
