He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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