I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
