It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
