Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
