oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
