if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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