I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
