alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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