People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
