i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
