Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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