WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
