Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
