Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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