You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize