Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
