would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
