i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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