Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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