and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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