you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
