i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
