Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
