i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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