with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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