i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
