he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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