Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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