YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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