I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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