i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
