Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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