I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
