"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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