I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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