Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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