You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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