My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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