Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think my tv is drunk
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
