FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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