Will you blow on my dice?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sobbing to NWA
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
