It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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