she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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