Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In America we eat man semen.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
