'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
