So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
