Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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