I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
