people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
