I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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