apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
