I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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