after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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