i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
