I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
