whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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