some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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