Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
