I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
