last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
