just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
