i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
