we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
