Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
