Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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