so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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